Philosophy Friday - Treating Depression

We believe that depression is curable and when treated properly can improve an ailing marriage relationship. We know this first hand. Both of have suffered from severe depression at different stages of our relationship. At our worst point in our relationship, we were both dealing with it at the same time. Neither of us wish to go back to those dark days.

The best proven treatment of severe depression is a combination of medication and therapy. We will talk briefly about both. The most widely used class of medication used effectively for depression is Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Prozac, Zoloft, or Paxil. These medications do not alter brain chemistry or change a person's personality. The best way to explain how they work is plugging up a hole in a bucket. In major depression naturally produced serotonin which is responsible for the sensation of happiness, drains too quickly. SSRIs stop this draining from occurring too quickly. It takes anywhere from 4 to 6 weeks for the medications to take effect. If they don't make a difference after that time, then it wasn't really depression. While this class of medications is newer, they are relatively safe when administered by a doctor. In fact more deaths are attributed to aspirin each year than with all SSRI medications combined.

The most commonly used therapy for depression is cognitive therapy. The basis of cognitive therapy is that thoughts lead to emotions. Discovery reoccurring patterns of thoughtsthat lead to depression and reframing them in a positive but true format is the goal of cognitive therapy. It is both paradoxically as simple and as difficult as thinking your way to wholeness again. However, those suffering from depression need a kind outside perspective to guide them on this journey. For those suffering from mild depression may be able to turn things around on their own maybe with some self help books. However, severe depression rarely gets better on their own and it isn't unheard of to suffer from it for years or even decades when untreated.

Therefore, our message today is that sometimes, the most effective way to help a suffering marriage is to first treat a suffering soul. If you are one of those suffering in such a way, please consider seeking treatment.

Philosphy Friday - What Did Your Spouse Mean?

We believe it is important to not assume that you understand what your spouse is thinking. You have spent a lot of intimate time with your wife or husband. It is really easy to make assumptions that you already know why your spouse did or said something. However, life is never so simple as we try to make it in our minds. It is important to take the time to check in and make sure your perception of a situation is correct. The following cartoon helps illustrate this point.

In this comic strip we see a woman trying to help Bernie. But what exactly is she trying to help him do? Is she trying to help him to get eaten by the shark? Straightening out his leg will put his leg closer to the shark's mouth. Those that tend to ascribe the evil motivations to others will likely assume that she really wants to see Bernie get hurt and possibly killed in this situation. Then again this woman may genuinely be trying to help Bernie swim quicker to shore. She may have absolutely no comprehension that by straightening his legs, Bernie is in greater danger. In fact just the opposite, she may think that she is really helping him get safely back to shore.

So what assumptions have you been making with your spouse? Is it possible that some of the problems that you are experiencing in your marriage are based on false assumptions? Maybe not, but if there is any doubt, take the time to check in with your spouse. Ask them. Make sure you understand their perspective and be willing to admit to yourself that you might be wrong. Your marriage may benefit greatly from being willing to do this regularly.

Philosophy Friday - How to Make Any Marriage Better

We believe that anyone can make their marriage better by having Heavenly Father involved in that marriage as well. When the gift of marriage was handed off to us from God, He intended that He would be involved intimately in that relationship as well. He know the weaknesses and flaws that our relationships have. More importantly He knows how to fix it.

Now when I say this to people I usually have them say back to me "But I have prayed for help with my marriage and He hasn't been helping us". From your perspective you may not see that He is answering your prayer. However, He is limited by both you and your spouses free agency. He cannot violate both you and your spouses willingness to ignore His advice if that is what either of you want to do. The great news is that He will never give up on trying to bless both of you even you reject his gifts. Since you can't make your spouse accept help from Heavenly Father, you can only try to increase your willingness to follow His plan for your marriage. We know that as you do so, you will see miracles happen.

Philosphy Friday - Learn How to be a Good Spouse

We believe that you must learn how to have a good marriage. It just doesn't happen. Too many people believe that finding the right person is all that is required. Conversely if they are in a bad marriage it is because they married the wrong person. This is far from the truth. We are here to say that living happily ever after is a fairy tale. To be in a good marriage means that you consistently work hard at it. Part of the reason that we started this blog is to share skills that can help you and your beloved spouse to love each other better. Please keep coming back. Feel free to comment and share skills that you have learned so that we can all get better at our marriages. If you know of good places to go to get advice, please share it with all of us.

Philosophy Friday - Who's responsible for our happiness?

We believe that we are responsible first and foremost for our own happiness. Then when we are happy, we have the special opportunity to share with our spouse the source of that happiness. Ironically, at times it may be something that our spouse did that "made us happy". But being happy is still our responsibility. For example, snuggling with Julie Beth last night made me really happy. However, could I have had another reaction? Sure… I could have been annoyed if say, I wanted to watch TV instead or if I thought that she was being "too needy".

When I view myself as being responsible for my happiness I have no reason to be annoyed or angry with Julie Beth when I am unhappy. Further, I don't need to waste any of my energy wishing or hoping that my wife will be different. Instead when I am unhappy, I start looking at myself to figure out what I am doing wrong. It prevents a lot of resentment from building up between the two of us.