Tuesday Tips - 07/07/2009

How many of you have ever heard of Laura Brotherson? If you are not acquainted with her yet or her blog yet. Let me suggest that you spend some time taking a look at some of her work. In her most recent blog entitled Love Letters she writes about how this "action" of expressing love leads to "feelings" of love and reminds that actions always follow feelings not the other way around.

Our early relationship depended on love letters to keep us going as Mark was on his mission. Today love letters also help to remind us and renew us with our love for each other. If it has been some time since you last wrote to your sweetheart, get inspired by Laura's post and then write something to your spouse today. He or she will love it.

Philosophy Friday - Don't Run Away

I hope that all of are having a wonderful Fourth of July weekend. For us, we are traveling up to Ohio to see Julie Beth's family.


In keeping with the music theme for this week, we wanted to share with you some of the lyrics in one of the Amy Grant songs that we love so much. The song is called Love Can Do. These lyrics express well one of the philosophies that we believe strongly. We will give you a chance to read them first and then we will have a few quick words about them.

Love can do things you never thought it could
Mend a hurt so bad, make you feel so good
Loves for fools, wise enough to take a chance
Hear the music girl, let me see you dance

No this ain't the movies
Now it’s give and take
And it’s your heart at stake

Hey you little girl running out so fast
Gotta stay put for love to last
Why you gotta say
That love has gone away
It’s not like that

Everybody hurts when the feelings fade
If you want ‘em back you know you gotta stay
No running, and loves coming back
Like only love can do

Love Can Do, Amy Grant - The Collection

It takes a commitment to make love work. Plant those feet firmly on the ground and stay in the relationship. The only reason we ever could come up with for why we would ever divorce would be for reasons of continued, unrepentant abuse and adultery. Everything else, we willing to work through one way or another. What we decided may or may not be appropriate for your relationship. The point though is that we have a really clear definition of what we will and will not tolerate in our relationship. This means that we have no place to run and hide when something gets too emotional or difficult. Love is an action not a feeling. And the most frequent action that we take that demonstrates our love to our spouses is waking up each day and committing to stay with them all over again.

Tuesday Tip - 06-30-2009

Wow it has already been six months since we started this blog. We did so for two basic reasons. First and foremost it was a way for us to strengthen our own relationship by focusing on what where were doing (and thinking) right. Second we started this blog to be a resource for others and their marriages. We feel a strong call in our lives to provide help and support for those attempting to keep their marriages together.

This week, we have been thinking about music and how powerful a tool it is to bring back forgotten feelings. It seems that almost everyone has a favorites song or artist that is able to evoke strong emotions. For us, it is just about every song written and sung by Amy Grant. We played them a lot when were dating. We even went to an Amy Grant concert a once while dating(see Our Story - Part 20 coming this Sunday). Now when we play them today, we are transported back to those early days of our relationship over and over.

So do you have such songs? When is the last time you played them? They may be a really good way to help both of you remember why you fell in love with each other.

Our Story - Part Ninteen

Mark and Julie Beth - There is another event during this time frame that sticks out in our memories. There was one evening that Julie Beth called Mark just for a short chat. However, what was to be just a few minutes stretched into half an hour, then an hour, then several hours. In the the end, we both stayed on the phone talking until about three or four in the morning.

A lot of it was us talking about our future together and what type of parents we were going to be and what type of couple we wanted to be. We also talked philosophy answering such important topics like what type of personality color (based on the Dr. Taylor Hartman's Color Code) that the Savior has.

It was in this conversation or another one in this time frame that we negotiated out all the holiday traditions that we were going to have in our family. We decided that we really didn't want to do Turkey and Ham every major holiday. So for Christmas we decided to have Christmas Lasagna. We have since learned that this is a big Italian tradition but we didn't know that at the time. We just thought we were being very unique.

Mostly it was just an opportunity to hear each other talk and hear each other. It was almost like we were both trying to take in deep breaths as quickly as possible, knowing that such conversations were likely to happen at all for two years in just a couple short months. We just barely found each other but soon we'd far away from each other once again.

What this marathon conversation meant to us was that we could talk to each other. We could communicate our likes and our dislikes. We were able to compromise. It also showed us how much exercising our intellectual selves was fun to do. Even today, there are still fun late night conversations. The only difference is that Mark is not as capable of staying awake as late. The comforting voice of Julie Beth has so soothing an effect on him that he usually falls soundly asleep with very happy dreams

Philosophy Friday - Finding True Happiness

We believe that in order to find genuine intimacy with your spouse, you must first find yourself. This means knowing who you are and what you stand for. This means developing and maintaining interests separate from your spouse. We know that this goes against common logic. Many believe that couples need to share things together to find closeness. The reason why this doesn't work is that you set yourself for expecting that your spouse will create happiness in your life. In reality, it is is your responsibility to find happiness in life on your own. There are many ways to do this but we suggest a dependence and connection to Heavenly Father as the best means. Then once you have found this stream of happiness inside yourself, you will be free to share it with everyone you know including your spouse.

Tuesday Tip 06-23-2009

Are you and your spouse having frequent conflicts over money? If so, a change may be needed. All of us grow up with different values and experiences about money. We need to realize that some are savers and some are spenders. And some need to have every penny planned out ahead of time while others make purchases on the spur of the moment. Some will only buy things that are on sale. Others make purchasing decision based on quality or need.

It is important to recognize and be honest with yourself about how you use money. Then you can begin to have honest conversations with your spouse on how best to handle it in your household. This may mean that some one new may need to handle paying the bills. Or you may need to do it together for awhile. Setting up a Budget together is always a good idea because it gives both of you the opportunity to set the priorities. Compromise is a must on the really hard topics. The two of you need to figure out a plan and adjust as needed. Otherwise, the money will begin to tear you apart.